It is another dark night after another snowy day and I sit at my computer, blank page in front of me and think, what should I write today? It is hard to be inspired when it is so cold, dark and snowy. My mind rambles with random thoughts. Visions of past writing prompts dance through my head, but none of it helps.
Here, I stop, poor a glass of wine, dip a piece of French bread in to a mix of virgin olive oil, grated parmesan and spices, lean against the counter and contemplate life. Soft music is playing in the background in the hopes that within its sad melody something stirring will spark my imagination.
Still nothing comes.
This is the dark before the dawn. The last few weeks of winter before spring starts to creep into the air. I know it is coming; I can look at the calendar and sense its nearness. Yet there are still many weeks to go before I know I will be able to “feel” it. And that depresses me.
I know warmer days are nearing. I know the snow will melt. I know the sun will spend long leisurely hours strolling across the great blue sky over our small farm. I know this. Just as I know I will go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow. Because time and time again it happens.
There are lots of things that need to be done around here. Instead of sitting in front of a blank screen I really should be vacuuming, dusting, cleaning, anything but wasting my time just sitting here. Yet this overwhelming need to write…anything…nags at me until I finally put words to paper, or in this case screen.
Buddha would say that it is my longing and desire for spring that creates the suffering I have when it is cold and dark. Of course, Buddha was from India where it is always hot and sunny. What would he know about seasonal depression?
Liz Gilbert would say that happiness is the result of personal effort. You have to fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it. Right now, that seems like a lot of work.
Tonight, I think I will just finish my wine and call it a day. A good nights sleep may bring a fresh perspective in the morning. One can only hope, anyway.