The Daily Press – List Lesson

The Daily Press – Weekly Writing Challenge

The List

Step One: Convince him you’ve forgiven him for his “transgression.”  He is after all only a man. By their very nature, men our imperfect, especially when it comes to making decisions about the opposite sex.  You are a woman, and therefore able to understand these things and can force yourself to move beyond them.

Step Two: Invite him for dinner.  Let him know you will be cooking his favorite meal. Your pleasant attitude and charm combined with a delicious home cooked meal are irresistible.

Step Three: Prepare for the special evening.  Have all your ingredients lined up.  Keep the special ingredient for last.  It’s his favorite and he’ll be thrilled you thought enough of him to add it.

Step Four: Cook the meal.  Brown the meat, boil the potatoes, combine the ingredients into the dish and throw in the oven to cook.

Step Five: Look dashing.  Shower, shave your legs, wear that special dress you’ve been saving just for this occasion. Apply just enough make up and perfume to be alluring but not trampy.  You don’t want to be like that other woman.

Step Six: Be charming and attentive before dinner.  Offer him a drink.  Let him smell the roast in the oven.  Let him see that for the first time in years, you have added mushrooms to the meal.  His favorite, not yours.  But that’s okay.  You won’t be eating them anyway.

Step Seven: Serve the meal and sit down to dinner.  Let him taste first.  Does he like it?  The best he’s ever had, he says.  You smile as he is savoring every bit.

Step Eight: Aren’t you hungry? He asks.  You just smile.  This night is not about you, it’s about him, about making him happy.  He likes this new you. But something isn’t right.  Do you look too happy maybe? He’s getting nervous, sweaty.  Things are blurry.  He doesn’t feel very well.  What is in the meal? He asks.  Mushrooms, you explain.

Step Nine:  Lay the body on plastic and sprinkle well with baking soda.  Wrap the body tightly and drag it to the back yard.  The hole behind the garden shed, the shed he built for you with his own hands, was dug the other day.  Roll the body into the hole and fill.  Pack the dirt neatly then cover with fresh sod.  Tomorrow you can plant the Peonies.  They will look lovely there.

Step Ten: Clean up and toss the dinner down the garbage disposal.  Wash up and put those comfy sweats on that you’ve been dying to get into all night.  Plop yourself in front of the TV just in time for your favorite show.  Tonight you will sleep like an angel.

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12 thoughts on “The Daily Press – List Lesson

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